Big brother has been staying with mom the past two weekends, and it has been great! We enjoyed some quieter times with just the little one, and big brother loved being with his mommy and daddy.
Both nights he returned home were a little emotional. He would lay his head in his hands and weep saying, "I miss the other mommy and daddy." But, he almost seemed shameful about it because he was so happy to be back home with us too! It has been difficult to see his little heart torn between two families whom he loves very much. However, each time I have told him how great it is that he misses the other mommy and daddy because that is who he should be with! I have reassured him that we all love him so much but that the other mommy and daddy loved him first and that they have worked so hard this year to get better so he could come home. He shakes his head in agreement and feels a little better.
He also kept telling me that he wanted us all to see each other...."I want Thomas, Mary Frances, Chase, the last daddy, and you to come to my new house." and "I want the other mommy and daddy to come to this house." and "I want you to keep seeing the other mommy and daddy." It is obvious that his main concern is that he may go back and never see us again.
So, yesterday was the big day! I had already sent most of his belongings home over the past two weekends because he has accumulated A LOT since arriving in our home 336 days ago! We've been talking about it here and there for two weeks. The bigs kids gradually said their goodbyes since they would not see him before they left early for school. We took Shamrock sugar cookies to school so he could celebrate with all of his friends, who were so sweet to him! His teachers gave him big hugs and told them to come and visit. I washed his bedding that he got at Christmas to take home with him and packed up the last of his clothes. Our CPS worker (who is AMAZING) arrived at 2:00 to pick up both boys for their regular visit. Only little brother would be returning later. My mom came over to say goodbye (and to be moral support for me). We gave big kisses and said "I'll see you on Wednesday!" (He has a psychiatrist appointment tfor diagnosis and possible medication for treatment, and the ad litem asked me to attend). He said goodbye, and they were off! I told my mom I couldn't watch as they left. That would just make me too sad!
My husband is overseas for two weeks - not the best timing for a child to leave! My mom stayed with me for a while to be sure I was okay, but I never got upset! I told her I was fine and would probably have a good cry later, but I never did! I wondered if something was wrong with me. A child I have loved for almost a year has just left my home for good! How could I not be upset? Then, I reminded myself that there was just no reason to be upset. We opened our home to him so he would have a safe place to stay and be loved while his parents were recovering. He blossomed while he was here. He has done great in school. He sleeps peacefully through the night now and wakes in the morning with a joyful heart! He has been prayed for my too many people to count. His parents love him and can now provide him with a safe place to stay. They have healed in many different ways and are prepared to be better parents. AND...we get to continue a relatipnship with him! What about that is sad?
I'm sure I will have my moments, but this is definitely not what I expected! I'm still waiting for the floodgates to open, but I am not as convinced that they will. This is good. This is really good! We have all accomplished a major feat for the benefit of everyone involved! That is something to shed joyful tears over! Go and do big things Big Brother! We are all behind you!
Showing posts with label CPS. Show all posts
Showing posts with label CPS. Show all posts
Saturday, March 03, 2018
Tuesday, October 17, 2017
Six Months In
It has been six months since the boys first arrived. Life is most definitely different in the Hughes home, but everyone has adjusted well. The big kids are a huge help and love having the kids here (most of the time)!
It amazes me to think back to those first days they were here and to realize how much they have grown. We had a hard time getting big brother to go to sleep...especially in a bed. Now, I can lay him down, kiss him, and tell him I'll be back to check on him in a few minutes, and all the littles are in bed by 8:00! What??? The first four months it took us 2-3 hours to put them to bed every night and one of us fell asleep with big brother almost every night. Those nights were difficult, but we are in a good routine now!
Little brother was talking quite a bit when he arrived but mostly like a parrot...repeating words we said. However, there are a few things we are really missing now that he is starting to talk in sentences:
"some" is what he said as soon as he heard a drive thru bag enter the car (he was rear-facing)
"bite" is what he said ANYTIME someone had food because he wanted some too!
And we could not get that little guy to say his name for anything! He was convinced his name was his brother's. It was really about three months here before he would finally say HIS name! We were all so excited.
He was so precious and sweet. I would tell everyone that he was just as sweet as he was cute...and then he turned TWO!! WOW! Some kids move through the twos without much notice, but this one jumped in full throttle! He hits, throws and pitches a tantrum with the best of them! Now, I have to keep reminding myself of how sweet he really was! He still has his moments, but they don't call them the Terrible Twos for nothing!
When we got the boys, we knew that mom was pregnant and due in June. As much as I wanted to take her, my husband just finally put his foot down and said "no". She was born only two days before I left for Europe for two weeks, and everyone thought she was going to have lots of problems due to the circumstances of the pregnancy. However, she was born PERFECT! The boys and I were able to see her at visits every once-in-a-while, but she wasn't always there.
Fast forward to August when the kids' attorney called me and asked if I would be willing to take baby sister temporarily since mom would be getting her back very soon. I told him we could but only temporarily. It took weeks for him to make it happen, but the judge eventually approved the move, and we got her mid-September. It was a nightmare, though, because CPS and my agency were not happy about the judge's orders and tried desperately to have them overturned. Every day was an adventure as I was getting calls from all those involved, and no one seemed to know what the others were doing. I told several of them that I just didn't understand why they couldn't all communicate! Why did they need me to get everyone on the same page? It was a communication nightmare, and eventually I just told them all that I felt like my parenting was being questioned since they didn't want the baby to come to me. I told the CPS worker that baby belonged in my house more than anyone else's (except her parents) because I had been praying for her for months before she was born and already loved her family. In addition, the boys needed to understand that she was really their sister - not just a baby they saw every once-in-a-while. Finally, I got her, and she is amazing!
I look at her every day and am amazed at how perfect she is after being exposed to so much in utero. I tell her how precious she is and how much she is wanted and loved! She coos back at me and gives the best smiles and giggles! We are having so much fun with her! It is like playing with a baby doll since we know she will only be here a little while longer! Everyone wants to hold her and help with her. She barely cries, and smiles ALL the time!
They are a precious sibling group! I am so happy we have had the opportunity to foster them all. They will be going home soon, and it will be difficult, but we have covered them in love and prayer! I am confident that God will protect them and draw him to himself as they grow because I pray, almost every night, that no matter how they are raised, they will always be pulled toward doing the right thing and having a relationship with Him!
It amazes me to think back to those first days they were here and to realize how much they have grown. We had a hard time getting big brother to go to sleep...especially in a bed. Now, I can lay him down, kiss him, and tell him I'll be back to check on him in a few minutes, and all the littles are in bed by 8:00! What??? The first four months it took us 2-3 hours to put them to bed every night and one of us fell asleep with big brother almost every night. Those nights were difficult, but we are in a good routine now!
Little brother was talking quite a bit when he arrived but mostly like a parrot...repeating words we said. However, there are a few things we are really missing now that he is starting to talk in sentences:
"some" is what he said as soon as he heard a drive thru bag enter the car (he was rear-facing)
"bite" is what he said ANYTIME someone had food because he wanted some too!
And we could not get that little guy to say his name for anything! He was convinced his name was his brother's. It was really about three months here before he would finally say HIS name! We were all so excited.
He was so precious and sweet. I would tell everyone that he was just as sweet as he was cute...and then he turned TWO!! WOW! Some kids move through the twos without much notice, but this one jumped in full throttle! He hits, throws and pitches a tantrum with the best of them! Now, I have to keep reminding myself of how sweet he really was! He still has his moments, but they don't call them the Terrible Twos for nothing!
When we got the boys, we knew that mom was pregnant and due in June. As much as I wanted to take her, my husband just finally put his foot down and said "no". She was born only two days before I left for Europe for two weeks, and everyone thought she was going to have lots of problems due to the circumstances of the pregnancy. However, she was born PERFECT! The boys and I were able to see her at visits every once-in-a-while, but she wasn't always there.
Fast forward to August when the kids' attorney called me and asked if I would be willing to take baby sister temporarily since mom would be getting her back very soon. I told him we could but only temporarily. It took weeks for him to make it happen, but the judge eventually approved the move, and we got her mid-September. It was a nightmare, though, because CPS and my agency were not happy about the judge's orders and tried desperately to have them overturned. Every day was an adventure as I was getting calls from all those involved, and no one seemed to know what the others were doing. I told several of them that I just didn't understand why they couldn't all communicate! Why did they need me to get everyone on the same page? It was a communication nightmare, and eventually I just told them all that I felt like my parenting was being questioned since they didn't want the baby to come to me. I told the CPS worker that baby belonged in my house more than anyone else's (except her parents) because I had been praying for her for months before she was born and already loved her family. In addition, the boys needed to understand that she was really their sister - not just a baby they saw every once-in-a-while. Finally, I got her, and she is amazing!
I look at her every day and am amazed at how perfect she is after being exposed to so much in utero. I tell her how precious she is and how much she is wanted and loved! She coos back at me and gives the best smiles and giggles! We are having so much fun with her! It is like playing with a baby doll since we know she will only be here a little while longer! Everyone wants to hold her and help with her. She barely cries, and smiles ALL the time!
They are a precious sibling group! I am so happy we have had the opportunity to foster them all. They will be going home soon, and it will be difficult, but we have covered them in love and prayer! I am confident that God will protect them and draw him to himself as they grow because I pray, almost every night, that no matter how they are raised, they will always be pulled toward doing the right thing and having a relationship with Him!
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