We have now had the boys for nine months! I am quite surprised they have been here so long, but I have learned that no one has any idea how long these things take. I have been told they were going home within the next 30 days since August! While I love them and want them to go back to the best situation possible, I must also admit that I am tired and anxious for some "me" time. This jump back into the preschool years has been pretty overwhelming, but I would not trade this time for anything.
The boys are both sleeping through the night with only an occasional night terror (like once a month or so). Little bit is sleeping in a "big boy" bed, and the baby bed has been put away. I can control them much better when we go outside to get in the car now, as well. I can trust that big brother will actually walk to the car and get in rather than running away - most of the time! They are also aware of the need to be careful around the road and in parking lots. I mean, they still need to be watched like a hawk because they will still run, but it is a major improvement from 9 months ago.
They are still throwing everything, and big brother still refuses to eat most things. We use timeout and a behavior chart to control tantrums the best we can, and those really have helped, but meltdowns are still a daily event in our house!
Right now, I am feeling that my biggest accomplishment is the relationship I have built with mom and dad! I have become like a mentor - especially to mom. We are able to discuss all kinds of things about what it will be like when she gets all of the kids back. She already has the baby whom we had for only 6 weeks but ADORED!! She uses me as a sounding board when making decisions about the baby. I love that I can be that for her. I tell her that is exactly what my mom does for me. Even though she has her mom, their relationship is not the type that really supports that type of trust. She asked me to be the emergency contact at the daycare because I am "the only person she trusts"! That was the point at which I gave her my phone number - 8 months in!
After much prayer, advice and discussion, we invited mom and dad to our home for Christmas evening and then to my parents for dinner. My agency was very upset with me for doing it, but we just had to weigh everything for ourselves and decided it was the best decision for us all. We are 100% aware that addicts often relapse, but with them being 6 months and 9 months clean, we feel they are in a place where we can help by showing them love and support. We had a wonderful evening and wish we could have had more time.
I am looking forward to how we can continue to be one of the their support systems as they continue to recover! It is so heartbreakiing to me to see how big of hole they have dug and have to climb out of with very little encouragement from family! I desperately want them to have their children back and believe they are great parents who got involved in some bad stuff! My prayer is that God does miraculous things in their lives and uses them to make a difference for others!
Showing posts with label night terrors. Show all posts
Showing posts with label night terrors. Show all posts
Thursday, December 28, 2017
Saturday, May 06, 2017
Night Terrors in Foster Children
Night Terrors....I've never experienced them before, but I have learned a lot about them in the last few weeks! Here are some things I've learned and put to use:
1. Anyone can have night terrors, but they are much more common in foster/adopted children. So, what is it? It is similar to a nightmare, but the person does not wake up during it. They can last 2-30 minutes, and they can be scary to watch!
2. You should not wake up a child having a night terror because it could make the situation worse.
3. You can't really prevent them, but they will eventually go away (so I'm told...we haven't gotten that far yet) with careful attention and encouragement.
4. You can break a night terror by taking the child to the bathroom. Apparently, they usually need to go anyway, and the act of having to do something brings them out of it a little bit - sometimes!
5. You should just reassure the child that they are safe and you are with them. You should also make sure they are in a safe area because they may pace or thrash around. They may have their eyes wide open but still be asleep!
6. If you can catch it as soon as it starts, it ends more quickly.
7. They usually happen 30-45 minutes after falling asleep - in the deep stage of sleep!
So, here is what I have figured out for our three year old! After being in our home for 5 weeks, we moved a twin bed into our room. His bed is about 3 feet from my side of the bed. His first night terror is usually 40 minutes after he goes to sleep. So, I am not in bed yet. However, moving him downstairs allows me to hear him sooner and get to him more quickly. I've been able to comfort him before he gets out of control.
I take him to the bathroom right away when I get to him.
By doing just those things, I have been able to cut the time from about 10 minutes to less than TWO minutes! And, I believe that has helped him to sleep through the night better. Before we moved him down, he was having at least one night terror each night AND waking up another 2-3 times each night! Not only was that a problem for him, but he was also waking up his 1 year old brother which made my night REALLY difficult! Now, he is rarely waking up after the first night terror!
This has been a great solution for us, and I think he is feeling much safer in our home. My hope is to be able to move him back upstairs into his bed in the next month or so!
1. Anyone can have night terrors, but they are much more common in foster/adopted children. So, what is it? It is similar to a nightmare, but the person does not wake up during it. They can last 2-30 minutes, and they can be scary to watch!
2. You should not wake up a child having a night terror because it could make the situation worse.
3. You can't really prevent them, but they will eventually go away (so I'm told...we haven't gotten that far yet) with careful attention and encouragement.
4. You can break a night terror by taking the child to the bathroom. Apparently, they usually need to go anyway, and the act of having to do something brings them out of it a little bit - sometimes!
5. You should just reassure the child that they are safe and you are with them. You should also make sure they are in a safe area because they may pace or thrash around. They may have their eyes wide open but still be asleep!
6. If you can catch it as soon as it starts, it ends more quickly.
7. They usually happen 30-45 minutes after falling asleep - in the deep stage of sleep!
So, here is what I have figured out for our three year old! After being in our home for 5 weeks, we moved a twin bed into our room. His bed is about 3 feet from my side of the bed. His first night terror is usually 40 minutes after he goes to sleep. So, I am not in bed yet. However, moving him downstairs allows me to hear him sooner and get to him more quickly. I've been able to comfort him before he gets out of control.
I take him to the bathroom right away when I get to him.
By doing just those things, I have been able to cut the time from about 10 minutes to less than TWO minutes! And, I believe that has helped him to sleep through the night better. Before we moved him down, he was having at least one night terror each night AND waking up another 2-3 times each night! Not only was that a problem for him, but he was also waking up his 1 year old brother which made my night REALLY difficult! Now, he is rarely waking up after the first night terror!
This has been a great solution for us, and I think he is feeling much safer in our home. My hope is to be able to move him back upstairs into his bed in the next month or so!
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