We have now had the boys for nine months! I am quite surprised they have been here so long, but I have learned that no one has any idea how long these things take. I have been told they were going home within the next 30 days since August! While I love them and want them to go back to the best situation possible, I must also admit that I am tired and anxious for some "me" time. This jump back into the preschool years has been pretty overwhelming, but I would not trade this time for anything.
The boys are both sleeping through the night with only an occasional night terror (like once a month or so). Little bit is sleeping in a "big boy" bed, and the baby bed has been put away. I can control them much better when we go outside to get in the car now, as well. I can trust that big brother will actually walk to the car and get in rather than running away - most of the time! They are also aware of the need to be careful around the road and in parking lots. I mean, they still need to be watched like a hawk because they will still run, but it is a major improvement from 9 months ago.
They are still throwing everything, and big brother still refuses to eat most things. We use timeout and a behavior chart to control tantrums the best we can, and those really have helped, but meltdowns are still a daily event in our house!
Right now, I am feeling that my biggest accomplishment is the relationship I have built with mom and dad! I have become like a mentor - especially to mom. We are able to discuss all kinds of things about what it will be like when she gets all of the kids back. She already has the baby whom we had for only 6 weeks but ADORED!! She uses me as a sounding board when making decisions about the baby. I love that I can be that for her. I tell her that is exactly what my mom does for me. Even though she has her mom, their relationship is not the type that really supports that type of trust. She asked me to be the emergency contact at the daycare because I am "the only person she trusts"! That was the point at which I gave her my phone number - 8 months in!
After much prayer, advice and discussion, we invited mom and dad to our home for Christmas evening and then to my parents for dinner. My agency was very upset with me for doing it, but we just had to weigh everything for ourselves and decided it was the best decision for us all. We are 100% aware that addicts often relapse, but with them being 6 months and 9 months clean, we feel they are in a place where we can help by showing them love and support. We had a wonderful evening and wish we could have had more time.
I am looking forward to how we can continue to be one of the their support systems as they continue to recover! It is so heartbreakiing to me to see how big of hole they have dug and have to climb out of with very little encouragement from family! I desperately want them to have their children back and believe they are great parents who got involved in some bad stuff! My prayer is that God does miraculous things in their lives and uses them to make a difference for others!
Thursday, December 28, 2017
Tuesday, October 17, 2017
Six Months In
It has been six months since the boys first arrived. Life is most definitely different in the Hughes home, but everyone has adjusted well. The big kids are a huge help and love having the kids here (most of the time)!
It amazes me to think back to those first days they were here and to realize how much they have grown. We had a hard time getting big brother to go to sleep...especially in a bed. Now, I can lay him down, kiss him, and tell him I'll be back to check on him in a few minutes, and all the littles are in bed by 8:00! What??? The first four months it took us 2-3 hours to put them to bed every night and one of us fell asleep with big brother almost every night. Those nights were difficult, but we are in a good routine now!
Little brother was talking quite a bit when he arrived but mostly like a parrot...repeating words we said. However, there are a few things we are really missing now that he is starting to talk in sentences:
"some" is what he said as soon as he heard a drive thru bag enter the car (he was rear-facing)
"bite" is what he said ANYTIME someone had food because he wanted some too!
And we could not get that little guy to say his name for anything! He was convinced his name was his brother's. It was really about three months here before he would finally say HIS name! We were all so excited.
He was so precious and sweet. I would tell everyone that he was just as sweet as he was cute...and then he turned TWO!! WOW! Some kids move through the twos without much notice, but this one jumped in full throttle! He hits, throws and pitches a tantrum with the best of them! Now, I have to keep reminding myself of how sweet he really was! He still has his moments, but they don't call them the Terrible Twos for nothing!
When we got the boys, we knew that mom was pregnant and due in June. As much as I wanted to take her, my husband just finally put his foot down and said "no". She was born only two days before I left for Europe for two weeks, and everyone thought she was going to have lots of problems due to the circumstances of the pregnancy. However, she was born PERFECT! The boys and I were able to see her at visits every once-in-a-while, but she wasn't always there.
Fast forward to August when the kids' attorney called me and asked if I would be willing to take baby sister temporarily since mom would be getting her back very soon. I told him we could but only temporarily. It took weeks for him to make it happen, but the judge eventually approved the move, and we got her mid-September. It was a nightmare, though, because CPS and my agency were not happy about the judge's orders and tried desperately to have them overturned. Every day was an adventure as I was getting calls from all those involved, and no one seemed to know what the others were doing. I told several of them that I just didn't understand why they couldn't all communicate! Why did they need me to get everyone on the same page? It was a communication nightmare, and eventually I just told them all that I felt like my parenting was being questioned since they didn't want the baby to come to me. I told the CPS worker that baby belonged in my house more than anyone else's (except her parents) because I had been praying for her for months before she was born and already loved her family. In addition, the boys needed to understand that she was really their sister - not just a baby they saw every once-in-a-while. Finally, I got her, and she is amazing!
I look at her every day and am amazed at how perfect she is after being exposed to so much in utero. I tell her how precious she is and how much she is wanted and loved! She coos back at me and gives the best smiles and giggles! We are having so much fun with her! It is like playing with a baby doll since we know she will only be here a little while longer! Everyone wants to hold her and help with her. She barely cries, and smiles ALL the time!
They are a precious sibling group! I am so happy we have had the opportunity to foster them all. They will be going home soon, and it will be difficult, but we have covered them in love and prayer! I am confident that God will protect them and draw him to himself as they grow because I pray, almost every night, that no matter how they are raised, they will always be pulled toward doing the right thing and having a relationship with Him!
It amazes me to think back to those first days they were here and to realize how much they have grown. We had a hard time getting big brother to go to sleep...especially in a bed. Now, I can lay him down, kiss him, and tell him I'll be back to check on him in a few minutes, and all the littles are in bed by 8:00! What??? The first four months it took us 2-3 hours to put them to bed every night and one of us fell asleep with big brother almost every night. Those nights were difficult, but we are in a good routine now!
Little brother was talking quite a bit when he arrived but mostly like a parrot...repeating words we said. However, there are a few things we are really missing now that he is starting to talk in sentences:
"some" is what he said as soon as he heard a drive thru bag enter the car (he was rear-facing)
"bite" is what he said ANYTIME someone had food because he wanted some too!
And we could not get that little guy to say his name for anything! He was convinced his name was his brother's. It was really about three months here before he would finally say HIS name! We were all so excited.
He was so precious and sweet. I would tell everyone that he was just as sweet as he was cute...and then he turned TWO!! WOW! Some kids move through the twos without much notice, but this one jumped in full throttle! He hits, throws and pitches a tantrum with the best of them! Now, I have to keep reminding myself of how sweet he really was! He still has his moments, but they don't call them the Terrible Twos for nothing!
When we got the boys, we knew that mom was pregnant and due in June. As much as I wanted to take her, my husband just finally put his foot down and said "no". She was born only two days before I left for Europe for two weeks, and everyone thought she was going to have lots of problems due to the circumstances of the pregnancy. However, she was born PERFECT! The boys and I were able to see her at visits every once-in-a-while, but she wasn't always there.
Fast forward to August when the kids' attorney called me and asked if I would be willing to take baby sister temporarily since mom would be getting her back very soon. I told him we could but only temporarily. It took weeks for him to make it happen, but the judge eventually approved the move, and we got her mid-September. It was a nightmare, though, because CPS and my agency were not happy about the judge's orders and tried desperately to have them overturned. Every day was an adventure as I was getting calls from all those involved, and no one seemed to know what the others were doing. I told several of them that I just didn't understand why they couldn't all communicate! Why did they need me to get everyone on the same page? It was a communication nightmare, and eventually I just told them all that I felt like my parenting was being questioned since they didn't want the baby to come to me. I told the CPS worker that baby belonged in my house more than anyone else's (except her parents) because I had been praying for her for months before she was born and already loved her family. In addition, the boys needed to understand that she was really their sister - not just a baby they saw every once-in-a-while. Finally, I got her, and she is amazing!
I look at her every day and am amazed at how perfect she is after being exposed to so much in utero. I tell her how precious she is and how much she is wanted and loved! She coos back at me and gives the best smiles and giggles! We are having so much fun with her! It is like playing with a baby doll since we know she will only be here a little while longer! Everyone wants to hold her and help with her. She barely cries, and smiles ALL the time!
They are a precious sibling group! I am so happy we have had the opportunity to foster them all. They will be going home soon, and it will be difficult, but we have covered them in love and prayer! I am confident that God will protect them and draw him to himself as they grow because I pray, almost every night, that no matter how they are raised, they will always be pulled toward doing the right thing and having a relationship with Him!
Sunday, May 14, 2017
Quiet Reflections
It's the first morning since the boys arrived that I have gotten up before them! It is so amazingly quiet. I have just spent time with God and am drinking my coffee. This is the way I LOVE to start my day! I go back to work tomorrow, and I am really looking forward to it. I thrive on routine, and there has been no such thing the last 6 weeks. We are working on it, but we just aren't there yet!
The boys' attorney came to visit a few days ago. It was the first time I have met yet. He stayed for almost 2 hours, and we had a wonderful conversation about the boys. He was so impressed with their improvement since the last time he had seen them. He couldn't believe how well they were doing. He said Little Bit wouldn't even look him in the eye before, and he had been concerned that Big Brother needed to be tested because he didn't seem to know what was going on around him. I was actually shocked at that. I immediately told him that Big Brother is extremely smart, but I have discovered that he was just not exposed to the world around him. For instance, he loves dinosaurs but didn't know there were different kinds. He is loving learning about the different ones and their names. When I took him on the cereal aisle, he didn't recognize any of them - not even Lucky Charms or Fruit Loops. I told the attorney that I think most of what he had learned was from television, but that he is learning very quickly now. In fact, I told the older kids that they could teach him anything because he is like a sponge and learning everything! (By the way, I trust the kids to teach him appropriate things. That wasn't an invitation to really teach ANYTHING!) :)
Both boys slept through the night last night! That could be because they went to bed later. Maybe I need to reconsider bed TIME!? Big Brother is still sleeping in our room on his own bed. I don't plan to move him until after my trip to Europe next month. I think it will be better for things to stay the same for now.
Little Bit is a "parrot". He repeats everything we say. I can't count how many new words he learns everyday! My biggest problem with him right now is hitting - me, in particular! He slaps us in the face constantly. I was having a hard time figuring out how to change the behavior, but I think I've figured it out. I tell him "no" very sternly every time, and then I put him down. He loves to be held, and he understands that it is a big deal if I will not hold him as a result of the behavior! I have also been teaching him how to touch "nicely". So, he has been rubbing our faces MORE than hitting. He is getting it, but it is a slow process!
Side Bar: My 11 year old just came down with a card for me! I forgot it was Mother's Day!!
The boys' attorney came to visit a few days ago. It was the first time I have met yet. He stayed for almost 2 hours, and we had a wonderful conversation about the boys. He was so impressed with their improvement since the last time he had seen them. He couldn't believe how well they were doing. He said Little Bit wouldn't even look him in the eye before, and he had been concerned that Big Brother needed to be tested because he didn't seem to know what was going on around him. I was actually shocked at that. I immediately told him that Big Brother is extremely smart, but I have discovered that he was just not exposed to the world around him. For instance, he loves dinosaurs but didn't know there were different kinds. He is loving learning about the different ones and their names. When I took him on the cereal aisle, he didn't recognize any of them - not even Lucky Charms or Fruit Loops. I told the attorney that I think most of what he had learned was from television, but that he is learning very quickly now. In fact, I told the older kids that they could teach him anything because he is like a sponge and learning everything! (By the way, I trust the kids to teach him appropriate things. That wasn't an invitation to really teach ANYTHING!) :)
Both boys slept through the night last night! That could be because they went to bed later. Maybe I need to reconsider bed TIME!? Big Brother is still sleeping in our room on his own bed. I don't plan to move him until after my trip to Europe next month. I think it will be better for things to stay the same for now.
Little Bit is a "parrot". He repeats everything we say. I can't count how many new words he learns everyday! My biggest problem with him right now is hitting - me, in particular! He slaps us in the face constantly. I was having a hard time figuring out how to change the behavior, but I think I've figured it out. I tell him "no" very sternly every time, and then I put him down. He loves to be held, and he understands that it is a big deal if I will not hold him as a result of the behavior! I have also been teaching him how to touch "nicely". So, he has been rubbing our faces MORE than hitting. He is getting it, but it is a slow process!
Side Bar: My 11 year old just came down with a card for me! I forgot it was Mother's Day!!
Saturday, May 06, 2017
Night Terrors in Foster Children
Night Terrors....I've never experienced them before, but I have learned a lot about them in the last few weeks! Here are some things I've learned and put to use:
1. Anyone can have night terrors, but they are much more common in foster/adopted children. So, what is it? It is similar to a nightmare, but the person does not wake up during it. They can last 2-30 minutes, and they can be scary to watch!
2. You should not wake up a child having a night terror because it could make the situation worse.
3. You can't really prevent them, but they will eventually go away (so I'm told...we haven't gotten that far yet) with careful attention and encouragement.
4. You can break a night terror by taking the child to the bathroom. Apparently, they usually need to go anyway, and the act of having to do something brings them out of it a little bit - sometimes!
5. You should just reassure the child that they are safe and you are with them. You should also make sure they are in a safe area because they may pace or thrash around. They may have their eyes wide open but still be asleep!
6. If you can catch it as soon as it starts, it ends more quickly.
7. They usually happen 30-45 minutes after falling asleep - in the deep stage of sleep!
So, here is what I have figured out for our three year old! After being in our home for 5 weeks, we moved a twin bed into our room. His bed is about 3 feet from my side of the bed. His first night terror is usually 40 minutes after he goes to sleep. So, I am not in bed yet. However, moving him downstairs allows me to hear him sooner and get to him more quickly. I've been able to comfort him before he gets out of control.
I take him to the bathroom right away when I get to him.
By doing just those things, I have been able to cut the time from about 10 minutes to less than TWO minutes! And, I believe that has helped him to sleep through the night better. Before we moved him down, he was having at least one night terror each night AND waking up another 2-3 times each night! Not only was that a problem for him, but he was also waking up his 1 year old brother which made my night REALLY difficult! Now, he is rarely waking up after the first night terror!
This has been a great solution for us, and I think he is feeling much safer in our home. My hope is to be able to move him back upstairs into his bed in the next month or so!
1. Anyone can have night terrors, but they are much more common in foster/adopted children. So, what is it? It is similar to a nightmare, but the person does not wake up during it. They can last 2-30 minutes, and they can be scary to watch!
2. You should not wake up a child having a night terror because it could make the situation worse.
3. You can't really prevent them, but they will eventually go away (so I'm told...we haven't gotten that far yet) with careful attention and encouragement.
4. You can break a night terror by taking the child to the bathroom. Apparently, they usually need to go anyway, and the act of having to do something brings them out of it a little bit - sometimes!
5. You should just reassure the child that they are safe and you are with them. You should also make sure they are in a safe area because they may pace or thrash around. They may have their eyes wide open but still be asleep!
6. If you can catch it as soon as it starts, it ends more quickly.
7. They usually happen 30-45 minutes after falling asleep - in the deep stage of sleep!
So, here is what I have figured out for our three year old! After being in our home for 5 weeks, we moved a twin bed into our room. His bed is about 3 feet from my side of the bed. His first night terror is usually 40 minutes after he goes to sleep. So, I am not in bed yet. However, moving him downstairs allows me to hear him sooner and get to him more quickly. I've been able to comfort him before he gets out of control.
I take him to the bathroom right away when I get to him.
By doing just those things, I have been able to cut the time from about 10 minutes to less than TWO minutes! And, I believe that has helped him to sleep through the night better. Before we moved him down, he was having at least one night terror each night AND waking up another 2-3 times each night! Not only was that a problem for him, but he was also waking up his 1 year old brother which made my night REALLY difficult! Now, he is rarely waking up after the first night terror!
This has been a great solution for us, and I think he is feeling much safer in our home. My hope is to be able to move him back upstairs into his bed in the next month or so!
Tuesday, April 18, 2017
Adjusting to a New Home and Family of Seven
The boys have been here for two and half weeks now. They are part of our family, and we love introducing them to all of our friends and family. My parents are in love with them. My granddad thinks they are precious, and my sister can't wait to see them in person. They have called us mommy and daddy since the first day. The baby even loves naming everyone in the pictures - including my parents and granddad!
It has definitely been a roller coaster, but we are doing what God has called us to. So, we just remind ourselves of that when it gets difficult. Baby C is super snuggly and talkative. He definitely talks more than most kids his age. He has made a pretty smooth transition. He is very easy to put to bed. When I say "It's time to go night night.", he says "night night" and lays his head on my shoulder. He's usually asleep in 2-3 minutes, and I can lay him down in the bed with no issues! He wakes up many nights, but I just hold him for a few minutes, and he goes right back to sleep!
Big Brother has had a more difficult transition. He appears to have never had a bedtime routine before. He goes until he literally falls asleep. He prefers to sleep on the couch or floor, but I tell him each night that little boys should sleep in beds. He's started to get that the last few nights. However, the first week was ROUGH at bedtime! We tried to get him to bed for 2-3 hours every night. Some of those nights, we were holding him the majority of that time while he was fighting us, but we just gently whispered to him that it was time to go to bed as we bounced him around. By the end of the first week, I was able to rock him for 5-10 minutes without much push back. He still won't let me sing to him, and it's driving me nuts!! He doesn't want anyone to lay down with him, but he will let me sit in the rocking chair and watch him go to sleep. That is after I have rocked him for 5-10 minutes. I think he likes that now. He is definitely enjoying the attention!
The older kids are in love with both of the boys who really have a thing for Thomas! The older kids get up early in the morning so they can get dressed in time to play with the kids! Then, they play with them when they come home! That is so nice for me, but the little ones really look forward to seeing them at the end of the day!
We are currently struggling with the decision about whether or not to take baby sister who is due in 6 weeks. I'm just not sure I can handle it, but I want to make the best decision for everyone - not just me! It's hard to know how to pray, too! I really do believe that reconciliation is the best choice IF mom and dad can get their lives straight and provide a good home. However, I love these babies, and a good home just isn't good enough for my babies! I want a great home for them! A home where they are adored, trained to be great people, and taught to love God and love others - to be people who make a difference in the world! So, I am praying for God's will because no matter how much I think I know, God knows best and he loves the boys more than I do.
The adventure continues.
It has definitely been a roller coaster, but we are doing what God has called us to. So, we just remind ourselves of that when it gets difficult. Baby C is super snuggly and talkative. He definitely talks more than most kids his age. He has made a pretty smooth transition. He is very easy to put to bed. When I say "It's time to go night night.", he says "night night" and lays his head on my shoulder. He's usually asleep in 2-3 minutes, and I can lay him down in the bed with no issues! He wakes up many nights, but I just hold him for a few minutes, and he goes right back to sleep!
Big Brother has had a more difficult transition. He appears to have never had a bedtime routine before. He goes until he literally falls asleep. He prefers to sleep on the couch or floor, but I tell him each night that little boys should sleep in beds. He's started to get that the last few nights. However, the first week was ROUGH at bedtime! We tried to get him to bed for 2-3 hours every night. Some of those nights, we were holding him the majority of that time while he was fighting us, but we just gently whispered to him that it was time to go to bed as we bounced him around. By the end of the first week, I was able to rock him for 5-10 minutes without much push back. He still won't let me sing to him, and it's driving me nuts!! He doesn't want anyone to lay down with him, but he will let me sit in the rocking chair and watch him go to sleep. That is after I have rocked him for 5-10 minutes. I think he likes that now. He is definitely enjoying the attention!
The older kids are in love with both of the boys who really have a thing for Thomas! The older kids get up early in the morning so they can get dressed in time to play with the kids! Then, they play with them when they come home! That is so nice for me, but the little ones really look forward to seeing them at the end of the day!
We are currently struggling with the decision about whether or not to take baby sister who is due in 6 weeks. I'm just not sure I can handle it, but I want to make the best decision for everyone - not just me! It's hard to know how to pray, too! I really do believe that reconciliation is the best choice IF mom and dad can get their lives straight and provide a good home. However, I love these babies, and a good home just isn't good enough for my babies! I want a great home for them! A home where they are adored, trained to be great people, and taught to love God and love others - to be people who make a difference in the world! So, I am praying for God's will because no matter how much I think I know, God knows best and he loves the boys more than I do.
The adventure continues.
Friday, March 31, 2017
Big Day
It's going to be a big day. The dog is having surgery to remove a large cyst on his chest. Mary Frances is home sick. Thomas and Mary Frances have a musical this weekend with 4 different performances. The first is tonight. Chase has 2 football games tonight and then goes to a friend's house for the night because they are leaving at 5:30 tomorrow morning for a baseball tournament two hours away. AND...the CPS caseworker and two representatives from our agency will be here any minute with our first two foster kids!!! This is what I've come to call "The Hughes Way". We do things big and all at once! Why not, right?
Anyway, I am surprisingly calm even though I have not cared for little ones their ages (18 mos and 3) in 8+ years!!!! I am a little nervous, excited, and anxious - but calm over all.
Thomas has built a train track upstairs with several trains waiting to ride on it. Mary Frances is finding Disney, Jr. so they can have something familiar on when they enter. Chase has prepared his room so both boys can stay with him. The house is as clean as its going to get (or ever be for the next many months, probably)! Their doctors appointment has been made for this afternoon. One car seat is installed, and I don't have any clue how to install the other. I have Baby Magic, juice, and goldfish, and I guessed on their diaper sizes. I have no clue what they are coming with other than a huge need for love and attention.
So, I am ready for what is about to walk in the door, I think. I can only imagine how scared they are - coming from the home they have known for only the last 4 months. This is going to be an adventure - for all 7 of us! I just keep reminding myself that we aren't doing it for us. We are doing it because there are children in need, and we can do something about it.
So, here goes...
Anyway, I am surprisingly calm even though I have not cared for little ones their ages (18 mos and 3) in 8+ years!!!! I am a little nervous, excited, and anxious - but calm over all.
Thomas has built a train track upstairs with several trains waiting to ride on it. Mary Frances is finding Disney, Jr. so they can have something familiar on when they enter. Chase has prepared his room so both boys can stay with him. The house is as clean as its going to get (or ever be for the next many months, probably)! Their doctors appointment has been made for this afternoon. One car seat is installed, and I don't have any clue how to install the other. I have Baby Magic, juice, and goldfish, and I guessed on their diaper sizes. I have no clue what they are coming with other than a huge need for love and attention.
So, I am ready for what is about to walk in the door, I think. I can only imagine how scared they are - coming from the home they have known for only the last 4 months. This is going to be an adventure - for all 7 of us! I just keep reminding myself that we aren't doing it for us. We are doing it because there are children in need, and we can do something about it.
So, here goes...
Wednesday, January 04, 2017
I'm Back...
I'm thinking it might be time to bring this blog back to life! We are preparing for some new people in our home through foster care, and this has always been the best place for me to gather my thoughts and record our "family history" - serious and funny!
So, look for more posts coming soon as I process my feelings about what and whom we are opening our home to!
So, look for more posts coming soon as I process my feelings about what and whom we are opening our home to!
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