Tough Love

Okay, you've heard far too many sweet stories in a row... It's time for life as I know it this week!! Forgive the complaining, and remember this is a diary where I record my thoughts and feelings!! Ray C. was gone for a week. I enjoyed having some time to myself while the kids were asleep, but that was the only thing I enjoyed! I didn't even get to enjoy sleeping alone because they all slept with me at some point! (I don't wake up when they get in the bed!)

Mary Frances has been my main source of difficulty. I love the child so much, but she has been downright nasty to me the last several weeks. It started before Christmas, and I think her birthday being this week has just prolonged the "me, me, me" attitude!! She complains from the moment she wakes up until the minute she goes to sleep! She doesn't like the clothes I pick out, the way I do her hair, or the way her coat itches her. (By the way, I let her pick out her clothes, but I require her to wear long sleeve clothes when it's cold outside - not summer dresses. Horrible, isn't it!?!)

She suddenly can't walk when it's time to get in the car. She is sleepy when it's time to clean up, and she's not sleepy when it's time for bed. When I give her juice she wants milk. When I give her milk, she wants it chocolate. (I ask every time what she wants, but even then it's the wrong thing!) She pitches a fit if I give her a blue plate because she wanted the green one.

She constantly tells me what I "need" to do for her. She even came home one day telling me she "deserved" things. That only lasted one day!

She has been asking for everything. I want this, that, and everything else.... She enjoyed Christmas and, thankfully, did not complain about any gifts. Actually, I was shocked! They did not get everything they asked for, but they did get a lot when you add up all the people who gave them things. I really don't like them getting a lot because it contributes to this "Me" attitude that is now destroying her sweet personality that I haven't seen in over a month!

SO.... after a very difficult morning that ended in me crying in the bathroom stall of the movie theater before walking out to lead worship at our preview service, I came home and packed up ALL of her toys and all but 3 sets of clothes! This crisis calls for dramatic measures. I cried the entire time I packed everything up - especially when I packed up the Barbie things - oh, here I go again! I cried because I know she loves them, and she would be upset to see them put away, but this is what you do when you love someone. You help them to be who God created them to be! My job is not to give her everything she wants. My job is to "train her in the way she should go so that when she grows old she will never depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6). My job is to teach her to be like Jesus.

So, as I was packing things up, she came up the stairs, and Ray C. and I had a talk with her. We explained that we were taking away all of her things because she had a very bad attitude. We told her that she was complaining about everything and not being thankful for anything. So, we were going to help her learn. She can earn her clothes and toys back by having a better attitude and being thankful. She must say thank you when someone does something for her and please when she wants something. We also reminded her that she must have a joyful heart and not a selfish one. She was very upset, but she understood. By the way, these are not new concepts to her. She just hasn't been following the rules. Regular discipline just hasn't worked for her.

I then told her than she would have to take a nap this afternoon - a horrible punishment for her! She was VERY upset about the nap, but she obeyed without MUCH fussing. The boys went to the zoo while she was napping. I told her when she woke up that they were on their way back from the zoo, and she was disappointed that she missed it, but encouraged that she could go another time when she finds a good attitude and joyful heart! (Ray C. really wanted to take the kids, but I told him that Mary Frances just could not be rewarded with anything else. I was sorry I missed out on the fun, but I got a much-needed nap.)

After a 3 hour nap, she has been the child I have missed! I'm crying again for some reason! Mary Frances is so sweet, but she is so strong-willed. I am scared to think what she would be like as a teenager if left to her own selfish desires. We always remind each other when we are dealing with this attitude that it is easier to discipline her now than it will be at 16. Our prayer is that Mary Frances will learn how to control her attitude and really have a joyful heart so that when she does hit those very difficult years, she will have a firm foundation to stand on. I don't expect the teenage years to be a breeze by ANY means, but I do expect her to handle them differently after having been disciplined and trained from such an early age.

By the way, some of you will not understand this child I am talking about. I have come to realize that everyone does not have children like Mary Frances. Some people just don't understand what it is like to have a child that doesn't respond to regular discipline. In fact, some people even think that I am doing something wrong or not disciplining properly if she is behaving this way. I can assure you that I love her very much, and I do discipline her properly. Every child is different. Some respond to a stern look (I don't have one of those), and some respond to time-out. Others respond to spankings, and others need more creative discipline. All forms of discipline do not work for all children. As parents, it is our job to learn our children and what works for them, not to put down the way other people do it!

Parenting is hard! For those of you who are going through this same thing - usually the terrible twos, but sometimes they just creep back in - remember God is faithful! He will not leave you! He has blessed you with this child, and He will guide you to raise her (or him). Trust in Him. And when you're crying and upset and don't know what else to do, just tell Him. Say "I give up. It's all on you!" He will take it!

Thank you God for carrying my burdens, for helping me when life is tough, and for blessing me so much! I don't want to live in this world without you!

Mini Wheats

Chase loves "Winnie Meats". When I gave him a bowl this morning, he did a little jig - "Winnie Meats, Winnie Meats, Winnie Meats" and then he said, "I need a poon for da winnie meats." I'm glad I could please him so easily at 6:00 this morning. On to the work of the day...

Melody's Adventures Continue

Melody and Ray C. had a "snowball fight" this morning! We were so excited to see the picture of snow, and Melody is even holding a snowball! The children loved it! Do I have a great husband or what???

Prayer Time...

Daddy and Melody started the day spending some time with God while looking over the mountain at Fayetteville! It looks so peaceful. I must admit I am jealous. Looking at the picture makes me even more jealous. It must feel great there. Peace, in the quiet sense, is not exactly overflowing in our house. However, I did redeem my Christmas gift from the kids today - a one hour massage! That was peaceful!

Happ Birthday, Papa G.

Yesterday was Papa G.'s 75th birthday! Mary Frances woke me up at 6:00 saying, "Mommy, we have to mail a present for Papa G. It's his birthday today!" She remembered since it's the day before her birthday! I informed her we had already given him a gift to open!

Later on, we called and sang to him, and all the children sang loud. He was so excited to hear them all singing to him. Then, Mary Frances wanted to talk to him. So I threw the phone back to her (we were in the car), and she began jabbering away. All the time I'm saying talk loudly and clearly!

She talked for a while, but we loved it when she said, "Tomorrow is my birthday. You can send me a present, and be sure to put a bow on it!!!" She also invited him to her birthday party. When he told her that he couldn't come, she said, "Well, we'll just mail you a piece of my birthday cake!!" I'm not sure what it will look or taste like when it gets there, but we can certainly mail a piece!

It was fun listening to her side of the conversation, and I know it made Papa's day!

A New Respect for My Dad...

At about 9:00 last night, I began piecing together Mary Frances' new wooden kitchen. I finished around 12:30!! I knew it was going to take a while, but I had no idea it would take that long. The longer I worked on it, the more my respect for my dad grew. Who knows how many things he has assembled for me over the years, how many hours he has spent with a screwdriver in one hand and a set of directions in the other!?! That's not even considering all of the things he has made for me from scratch, with his bare hands!!

So every time I began to get frustrated at the length of time it was taking, I began to think of the things he has assembled for me. It sure made it a lot easier to keep a good attitude. And now, I understand another reason for experiencing joy when your child opens a present. When you have put so much time and effort into something, it makes it even more fun to see them enjoy it!

The kitchen set is actually from my parents! So, thanks mama and daddy! Along with your gift, you gave me a new appreciation for you and all the things you have done for me over the years! I bet you never thought you would hear thank you for the behind-the-scenes job when I was 6, did you!? And maybe I won't either, but I sure am grateful to you now!

I must also say, my appreciation grew for husband as well. He is usually the one stuck with this job. So, thanks honey. I appreciate all the time you spend assembling, too. I will be more thankful from now on. I'm pretty sure I'm going to let you keep this one!!

The Princess and Her King

Have you seen the commercial where the dad goes on a business trip and takes his little girl's doll with him? He takes pictures of all the different places he and the doll go. Well, Ray C. will be gone for Mary Frances' birthday. So, he asked Mary Frances if he could take one of her stuffed animals with him. She gave him a teddy bear named Melody (because it sings), and we have been receiving pictures from daddy and Melody since they left.

This picture is early Monday morning on the way to the airport. We also received one from the plane. It looks like Melody had her own seat! Our favorite so far was this morning - a picture of daddy and Melody in the bed. Melody was listening to daddy's ipod!

I keep thinking how funny it must be for the people watching Ray C. take the pictures! I'm sure he is being extremely discreet carrying around a teddy bear, but I love him so much for doing something so sweet for our little girl! What an awesome memory!

Mary Frances has been e-mailing responses to the pictures to him. This is her first one:

Dear King,
I miss you a lot. Make sure you have a good trip.

Love,

Princess

Shopping in Style...

Maybe I have just been on an island for too long, but I can't believe what we just found in the grocery store this week! TV grocery carts! You pay $1, and the kids get to watch cartoons to keep them entertained while you shop!! What an amazing idea!

Unfortunately for me, they only seat 2 children, but Ray C. was with us the other day and we got 2 of them for free for a few minutes. So, we actually had a peaceful trip to the grocery store while the kids enjoyed themselves as well!! I wish this had been my idea!

I hate the idea of having to pay for a grocery cart, but $1 is nothing when I'm spending so much on groceries! The peace probably saves far more than $1 because I can actually think about what I'm buying instead of grabbing whatever looks good as I run through the aisle trying to make in through the entire store before losing all 3 kids!

Papa G.

The kids loved all over Papa G., my mom's dad! They had so much fun talking to him and loving on him!

Chase especially loved Papa G. He wanted to sit in his lap the whole time! He even wanted to eat in his lap! Papa G. sure did get a lot of love and kisses! We can't wait to see him again!

We had a nice photo session while the kids were waiting for grandaddy to come in the door! They could see him through the glass door, and it made for some great pictures!! After trying for 2 months to get them all looking in the same direction, we finally got a good Christmas picture! Too bad it was January 6th!

The Four-Wheeler

We visited my family in Georgia last week and had a blast. One thing that has become a must for the kids is "camping." The first time they requested to go we actually camped in a tent for the night, but after we realized that all they really cared about was the fire, hot dogs, smores, and the four-wheeler, we changed our plans! So, now we just go out for a few hours of fun. It is really a lot of fun for all of us!

So, as I was telling my friend, Heather, about the kids tonight, it hit me that their feelings and style on the four-wheeler are a perfect description of their personalities! Chase is OBSESSED with the thing. He talks about it all the time, notices most four-wheelers we pass, and must ride it daily when visiting my parents. He always has to be the first one to ride (that's mainly because he just can't stand to wait when we first get it out), and he usually gets the last ride, too! However, he rides very quietly. He is content doing anything on the four-wheeler as long as he gets to ride!

Thomas is very cautious! He enjoys the four-wheeler, but it likes to go pretty slow, not hit any bumps if possible, and he doesn't want to ride for long. A leisurely ride will do him just fine! I bet that surprises you about him, but I'm not describing his activity level - this is personality!

Now, Mary Frances, the princess, loves the four-wheeler too! However, she likes to go as fast as it will take her, as long as it will go, and she wants to hit every bump and mud puddle in the way! She is a dare devil, and has been since birth!

I don't know that there is any relevance to my sudden realization but it sure is fun to think about! I am so glad God made us all so different. We all have things we like and don't like. I love that I have different things in each child to enjoy. I remember the first time I realized that the kids were going to be different was when Mary Frances decided she liked grapes. As crazy as it sounds, I was so excited! Thomas had never liked grapes. It hadn't really occurred to me that they would like different things. So, it was fun to see that at such a young age they were already displaying some differences in preference and personality! Of course, it is a challenge preparing meals for 3 children with different tastes, but I am grateful for the differences!

Mary Frances Registers for China...

Mary Frances is turning 4 next week, so we have set up a registry for her fine china. She is registered only at Belk's. I'm sorry if that is inconvenient for you!!!

No, really! Ray C.'s dad gives the children money for Christmas every year. We could go and spend the money on more toys that they don't need or we could put it in a savings account for later. However, it really isn't enough to be a huge amount later on. It would probably get used on something they would forget about in a year or two if they remembered it that long!

So, I have been thinking for the last month or so that I would really like to start her some type of collection with the money so that she could have something really special. Even though the money may not go far later on, it will go a long way when you use it on the best sales! After Christmas (and other times during the year), China is discounted a lot.

So, I took my mom and Mary Frances to the mall today to look at patterns. I know her taste will not be the same as it is now and may be different than ours, but we had to start somewhere! So, we looked at several different options and found one that we agreed any girly girl would think is pretty. One thing is for sure - Mary Frances is a girly girl!!

I intended to just buy a little at a time, but the sales person suggested a registry - smart on his part - so we decided that was fun and would be a nice way of keeping up with what is bought. Who knows, she may start getting pieces from other people as well! I know this may seem crazy to some of you, but I feel that this is a great way to make use of the money she is given, and she will be so thrilled to have a nearly complete set of China when she becomes an adult!!

So, I am really excited tonight. After we registered her, I gave her a few choices of items we could take home with us as her first few pieces from Papa. She chose the tea cup and saucer without hesitation and had some juice in them when we got home!

Now I just need to decide what to do for the boys. I know they won't care about China now or later. My parents have suggested another type of collection like stamps or coins, but I'm not wild about either idea. I think a collection is a good idea, but what could they collect that they would be proud of later on? Any ideas? I need some help!