9 Months and Counting

We have now had the boys for nine months!  I am quite surprised they have been here so long, but I have learned that no one has any idea how long these things take.  I have been told they were going home within the next 30 days since August!  While I love them and want them to go back to the best situation possible, I must also admit that I am tired and anxious for some "me" time.  This jump back into the preschool years has been pretty overwhelming, but I would not trade this time for anything.

The boys are both sleeping through the night with only an occasional night terror (like once a month or so).  Little bit is sleeping in a "big boy" bed, and the baby bed has been put away.  I can control them much better when we go outside to get in the car now, as well.  I can trust that big brother will actually walk to the car and get in rather than running away - most of the time!  They are also aware of the need to be careful around the road and in parking lots.  I mean, they still need to be watched like a hawk because they will still run, but it is a major improvement from 9 months ago. 

They are still throwing everything, and big brother still refuses to eat most things.  We use timeout and a behavior chart to control tantrums the best we can, and those really have helped, but meltdowns are still a daily event in our house!

Right now, I am feeling that my biggest accomplishment is the relationship I have built with mom and dad!  I have become like a mentor - especially to mom.  We are able to discuss all kinds of things about what it will be like when she gets all of the kids back.  She already has the baby whom we had for only 6 weeks but ADORED!!  She uses me as a sounding board when making decisions about the baby.  I love that I can be that for her.  I tell her that is exactly what my mom does for me.  Even though she has her mom, their relationship is not the type that really supports that type of trust.  She asked me to be the emergency contact at the daycare because I am "the only person she trusts"!  That was the point at which I gave her my phone number - 8 months in!

After much prayer, advice and discussion, we invited mom and dad to our home for Christmas evening and then to my parents for dinner.  My agency was very upset with me for doing it, but we just had to weigh everything for ourselves and decided it was the best decision for us all.  We are 100% aware that addicts often relapse, but with them being 6 months and 9 months clean, we feel they are in a place where we can help by showing them love and support.  We had a wonderful evening and wish we could have had more time.

I am looking forward to how we can continue to be one of the their support systems as they continue to recover!  It is so heartbreakiing to me to see how big of hole they have dug and have to climb out of with very little encouragement from family!  I desperately want them to have their children back and believe they are great parents who got involved in some bad stuff!  My prayer is that God does miraculous things in their lives and uses them to make a difference for others!

Quiet Reflections

It's the first morning since the boys arrived that I have gotten up before them!  It is so amazingly quiet.  I have just spent time with God and am drinking my coffee.  This is the way I LOVE to start my day!  I go back to work tomorrow, and I am really looking forward to it.  I thrive on routine, and there has been no such thing the last 6 weeks.  We are working on it, but we just aren't there yet!

The boys' attorney came to visit a few days ago.  It was the first time I have met yet.  He stayed for almost 2 hours, and we had a wonderful conversation about the boys.  He was so impressed with their improvement since the last time he had seen them.  He couldn't believe how well they were doing.  He said Little Bit wouldn't even look him in the eye before, and he had been concerned that Big Brother needed to be tested because he didn't seem to know what was going on around him.  I was actually shocked at that.  I immediately told him that Big Brother is extremely smart, but I have discovered that he was just not exposed to the world around him.  For instance, he loves dinosaurs but didn't know there were different kinds.  He is loving learning about the different ones and their names.  When I took him on the cereal aisle, he didn't recognize any of them - not even Lucky Charms or Fruit Loops.  I told the attorney that I think most of what he had learned was from television, but that he is learning very quickly now.  In fact, I told the older kids that they could teach him anything because he is like a sponge and learning everything!  (By the way, I trust the kids to teach him appropriate things.  That wasn't an invitation to really teach ANYTHING!) :)

Both boys slept through the night last night!  That could be because they went to bed later.  Maybe I need to reconsider bed TIME!?  Big Brother is still sleeping in our room on his own bed.  I don't plan to move him until after my trip to Europe next month.  I think it will be better for things to stay the same for now.

Little Bit is a "parrot".  He repeats everything we say.  I can't count how many new words he learns everyday!  My biggest problem with him right now is hitting - me, in particular!  He slaps us in the face constantly.  I was having a hard time figuring out how to change the behavior, but I think I've figured it out. I tell him "no" very sternly every time, and then I put him down.  He loves to be held, and he understands that it is a big deal if I will not hold him as a result of the behavior!  I have also been teaching him how to touch "nicely".  So, he has been rubbing our faces MORE than hitting.  He is getting it, but it is a slow process!

Side Bar:  My 11 year old just came down with a card for me!  I forgot it was Mother's Day!!