Tough Love

Okay, you've heard far too many sweet stories in a row... It's time for life as I know it this week!! Forgive the complaining, and remember this is a diary where I record my thoughts and feelings!! Ray C. was gone for a week. I enjoyed having some time to myself while the kids were asleep, but that was the only thing I enjoyed! I didn't even get to enjoy sleeping alone because they all slept with me at some point! (I don't wake up when they get in the bed!)

Mary Frances has been my main source of difficulty. I love the child so much, but she has been downright nasty to me the last several weeks. It started before Christmas, and I think her birthday being this week has just prolonged the "me, me, me" attitude!! She complains from the moment she wakes up until the minute she goes to sleep! She doesn't like the clothes I pick out, the way I do her hair, or the way her coat itches her. (By the way, I let her pick out her clothes, but I require her to wear long sleeve clothes when it's cold outside - not summer dresses. Horrible, isn't it!?!)

She suddenly can't walk when it's time to get in the car. She is sleepy when it's time to clean up, and she's not sleepy when it's time for bed. When I give her juice she wants milk. When I give her milk, she wants it chocolate. (I ask every time what she wants, but even then it's the wrong thing!) She pitches a fit if I give her a blue plate because she wanted the green one.

She constantly tells me what I "need" to do for her. She even came home one day telling me she "deserved" things. That only lasted one day!

She has been asking for everything. I want this, that, and everything else.... She enjoyed Christmas and, thankfully, did not complain about any gifts. Actually, I was shocked! They did not get everything they asked for, but they did get a lot when you add up all the people who gave them things. I really don't like them getting a lot because it contributes to this "Me" attitude that is now destroying her sweet personality that I haven't seen in over a month!

SO.... after a very difficult morning that ended in me crying in the bathroom stall of the movie theater before walking out to lead worship at our preview service, I came home and packed up ALL of her toys and all but 3 sets of clothes! This crisis calls for dramatic measures. I cried the entire time I packed everything up - especially when I packed up the Barbie things - oh, here I go again! I cried because I know she loves them, and she would be upset to see them put away, but this is what you do when you love someone. You help them to be who God created them to be! My job is not to give her everything she wants. My job is to "train her in the way she should go so that when she grows old she will never depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6). My job is to teach her to be like Jesus.

So, as I was packing things up, she came up the stairs, and Ray C. and I had a talk with her. We explained that we were taking away all of her things because she had a very bad attitude. We told her that she was complaining about everything and not being thankful for anything. So, we were going to help her learn. She can earn her clothes and toys back by having a better attitude and being thankful. She must say thank you when someone does something for her and please when she wants something. We also reminded her that she must have a joyful heart and not a selfish one. She was very upset, but she understood. By the way, these are not new concepts to her. She just hasn't been following the rules. Regular discipline just hasn't worked for her.

I then told her than she would have to take a nap this afternoon - a horrible punishment for her! She was VERY upset about the nap, but she obeyed without MUCH fussing. The boys went to the zoo while she was napping. I told her when she woke up that they were on their way back from the zoo, and she was disappointed that she missed it, but encouraged that she could go another time when she finds a good attitude and joyful heart! (Ray C. really wanted to take the kids, but I told him that Mary Frances just could not be rewarded with anything else. I was sorry I missed out on the fun, but I got a much-needed nap.)

After a 3 hour nap, she has been the child I have missed! I'm crying again for some reason! Mary Frances is so sweet, but she is so strong-willed. I am scared to think what she would be like as a teenager if left to her own selfish desires. We always remind each other when we are dealing with this attitude that it is easier to discipline her now than it will be at 16. Our prayer is that Mary Frances will learn how to control her attitude and really have a joyful heart so that when she does hit those very difficult years, she will have a firm foundation to stand on. I don't expect the teenage years to be a breeze by ANY means, but I do expect her to handle them differently after having been disciplined and trained from such an early age.

By the way, some of you will not understand this child I am talking about. I have come to realize that everyone does not have children like Mary Frances. Some people just don't understand what it is like to have a child that doesn't respond to regular discipline. In fact, some people even think that I am doing something wrong or not disciplining properly if she is behaving this way. I can assure you that I love her very much, and I do discipline her properly. Every child is different. Some respond to a stern look (I don't have one of those), and some respond to time-out. Others respond to spankings, and others need more creative discipline. All forms of discipline do not work for all children. As parents, it is our job to learn our children and what works for them, not to put down the way other people do it!

Parenting is hard! For those of you who are going through this same thing - usually the terrible twos, but sometimes they just creep back in - remember God is faithful! He will not leave you! He has blessed you with this child, and He will guide you to raise her (or him). Trust in Him. And when you're crying and upset and don't know what else to do, just tell Him. Say "I give up. It's all on you!" He will take it!

Thank you God for carrying my burdens, for helping me when life is tough, and for blessing me so much! I don't want to live in this world without you!